by Jane McKee
As the resident musician of the McHuey family, I am often called upon to add something extra in the form of a song. For others, it can be something nice to listen to—but for me, I feel as though I am bearing my soul to a crowd of people. If I could put what I feel into words the way notes travel from my mouth in a descant, I would be truly blessed. As it is, I can only offer this—I would hope that all of you could find that still and quiet place within yourselves where it is truly only you and the Father, regardless of who may be watching. This is how I believe we are all called to worship whether in song, dance, or on an instrument.
I’m the child with a song for every occasion. Hearing certain lyrics or tunes will recall a memory back to me stronger than anything else. With some worship leaders, I can even predict the next song they will sing because that is where my soul trends. I learned long ago that my own place is not with an organized group, but in the back of the room. Some may find this hard to understand who have seen me otherwise engaged, but I assure you, this is the truth. There is an old adage amongst worship leaders stating, “To be a worship leader, you must be a lead worshipper.” I have merely taken that a step further and declined the microphone as well as the spotlight.
Years ago, my dad (Mark Huey) reminded me of the “Lucifer Syndrome” and its toll particularly on musicians. For those of you who are unaware of this idea, let me enlighten you. Lucifer’s great fall from Heaven was due to his pride as being the head of the angels as well as the lead musician. For his pride, he was cast out and he took 1/3 of the angels with him. Pride itself is seen as the greatest sin. For with pride, we break the #1 commandment—putting ourselves before God.
Many years ago, I had my own battle with pride due to the fact that the Father has blessed me with talents. It was this realization combined with a rather traumatic experience which led to my own salvation at age 15. It took me several hours on my face before the Lord in repentance to recount the many times I had allowed my pride to rule my life. Still, at the moment I knew I was forgiven, I also knew that the fullness of the Ruach was not yet residing in me. It took music—pure worship to the Lord—which led to that final installment and I have been forever changed. A new creation in Messiah, and I now sing in a way that I never could before.
The song which is so special to me, as it has been since I first heard it at age 12, is Kadosh:
Kadosh Kadosh Kadosh/ Adonai Eloheim Tz’va’ot/ Asher Hayah V’hoveh V’yavoh
Holy Holy Holy/ is the Lord God Almighty/ Who was, and is, and is to come
The song is simple, but more powerful to me than any other I have ever heard or sung. I believe the power in my heart lies in the knowledge that it references the song sung in the heavenlies in Revelation 4. On the night of my own salvation, I was fully exhausted by the weeping and repenting of the previous hours. I had nothing left to say and no other prayers to offer. I knew I was forgiven, yet I still knew I had not finished. For me, the final sacrifice to die to myself was to sing from my soul in worship of the Father. Today, I still sing that song and am forever reminded of that moment in which I became a new creation.
Worship in itself can be frightening to those who do not understand. We have so much wonderful upbeat music in the Messianic movement, but for me, it is the soul deepening worship songs which get to the heart of what we truly want to convey to the Father. For many, it can be difficult to delve into such feelings that it provokes because it is in that quiet place that we continually come to terms with our own shortcomings, our sin, and how much we must rely on the Father daily. It has come down to a very simple choice for me- only my pride keeps me from worshiping, as it did many years ago when I was still an unsaved “good” Messianic girl. That still, quiet place is where true shalom can be found. We are to give our worries over to the Father so that He can bear those burdens for us.
It is my hope that all of you would not be afraid to truly enter into worship. While you may not be particularly talented in any musical gifts, that place of shalom is no less yours for the taking. As for me, I keep my ear trained for the still small voice who reminds me, “Be still and know that I am God.”
Posted in General Posts, Jane McKee
